2008-06-26T04:51:00.000-07:00

MEDICAL RISKS DETAILS HERE
genetic illnesses, by American researchers, link
http://all-about-orphans.blogspot.com

6 PROFESSIONALS' INSIGHTS HERE
or scroll down more to this blog's end to the red phrases
*******ADOPTEES TALKING, MANY LINKS ******
TONS OF ADOPTEES/GROUPS, INCLUDING
BLACKS & TRANS-RACIALS
LGBT parenting LGBT parenting LGBT parenting
1/ NANCY VERRIER M.A., PSYCHOTHERAPIST
Here are extracts from her book (summaries below) still on sale eight years after it was first published in 2003 - thus evidently much needed by the wider public - it's called Coming Home To Self, available from Amazon; summaries >>> are just for a quick look >>>

>>> summary >>>
the adults should feel grateful, you want and get the adoption,
adoptees feel unchosen by birth-mothers,
not so much as chosen by you,
please see the two paragraphs just below for the full text

"The chosen child and the grateful child myths are two beliefs that die hard. Although made to feel as if it were the case, most adoptees do not feel chosen so much as they feel unchosen by their birth mothers. To be chosen by anyone else after that is anticlimactic. So far as being grateful, it is the adoptive parents who should be grateful. They are the ones pursuing the adoption.

"They are the ones who got what they wanted. No child would choose to be separated from his biological mother. That he may have to be separated from her is a different thing altogether. That is an intellectual, adult decision, not an emotional/sensual baby experience. Although grateful for many things his parents may have done for him, no child should be obligated to feel grateful for having a loving set of parents. That should be his right."

Here's Nancy on open adoptions
>>> summary >>>
though not always possible,
adoptees prefer them,
staying close to their roots

"There have been suggestions made that the children could remain with a permanent family and the family would be considered legal guardians. The biological parents would have visitation rights when indicated. While there may be merits to this solution, I don't think it is the answer. Besides the fact that people wanting children may not be willing to do this, neither may the children.

"I have talked to many children who were in foster care most of their lives, some of them with the same foster parents. Every one of them wished they had been adopted. Even though most adoptees have trouble feeling as if they belong in their adoptive families, many know that their adoptive parents feel that they belong. It gives them comfort to be accepted and loved in this way.

"That might not be the case if the parents were considered only guardians. I do believe that all children should have access to their biological families and heritage. Open adoptions may be the answer if they are made binding - if the agreement is legalized and both sets of parents are held to the agreement. Binding open adoption may be harder on the parents, but it would definitely be better for the child."

From chapter 2, called Adoption And The Brain,
>>>summary >>>
adoptees have inherited talents to share with
adopters-some need encouragement,
might not take after adopter's interests of choice

"In my travels around the world I have met many adoptees who have tales of having their special talents unappreciated by their adoptive parents. One young woman in New Zealand lamentedthat she was a champion athlete, winning many trophies and medals, yet her parentsnever attended her meets. They didn't consider sports to be a worthwhile activity. The same was true for a young man in Australia, who had always wanted to play piano. His parents were not interested in music, so they never allowed him to take lessons. He had decided just a couple of months before speaking to me that he would take lessons on his own, for whichI commended him. He can certainly play piano, but he will never be the concert pianist he might have become had he been encouraged to play from an earlier age.

"There are many adoptive parents who are encouraging their children to pursue any talent that they may have, even when they know little about it. These parents are to be commended because they are acknowledging that they don't expect that just because a child is reared in a particular family, he will have the same interests and talents as other family members. It may actually be be much more interesting to have a child with different interests, because this gives the parents opportunities to expand their own horizons!"

Here's Nancy on how hard it is for adoptees to fall in love
>>> summary >>>
unlike loving-home adopters who offer all sorts,
adoptees are hard-wired to not fall in love much

"It is important to understand that for adoptees there may be have been some delay in the forming of synapses, due to the experience of separation from the biological mother. It does not appear that this delay affects the innate intelligence of the child, but this delay may have an affect on the scholastic performance of adoptees. There is, however, another phenomenon that may have a great deal to do with the ability of adoptees, as well as other people who have abandonment issues, to perform certain types of functions, to interact with other people, or to form intimate relationships. This has to do with the predominance of of the right or left brain in signaling receptors to stimuli"

ll/ ADOPTEES' HEALING RESOURCE
>>> summary >>>
Adoptee teens twice as likely to kill
themselves as non-adoptees.
26 years of helping adoptees.
Plenty to click about to, as well as the
opening page here, please scroll to the
link's end for all the website's pages
http//www.adoptionhealing.com/Suicide.htm

lll/ A PSYCHOLOGIST
Here are observations made by behavioural psychologist
Dr. John Bowlby
>>> summary >>>
adoptees are unable to function well at school,
and behave worse than most

When the children were assessed during adolescence, those who had been in hospital before the age of five years, either for longer than a week or two or more occasions, were found to differ from other children in the following four ways. They were -

" more likely to have been rated by teachers as troublesome at ages thirteen and fifteen and seventeen years likely to have scored low on a reading test

" more likely in the case of school-leavers, to have changed jobs four or more times between the ages of fifteen and and eighteen years.

"The tendency to delinquency and unstable employment records are significantly increased for children who experienced a further stay in hospital between the ages of five and fifteen. All these differences remain significant when the rather atypical backgrounds of children who are admitted to hospital before the age of five years - e.g. as regards health, large families - are taken into account.

"These findings tend to support the belief expressed earlier, in Chapter 4, that the effects of separation from the mother during the early years are cumulative and that the safest dose is a zero dose."

That's an extract from Dr. Bowlby's three volume piece called Attachment and Loss, published by Pimilco in 1998. It is available from Amazon too, on-line.

lV/ A SUPPORT WORKER
Rev. Keith Griffeth MBE (a UK Royal plaudit) resident of New Zealand, retired, but much loved for his support work, on-line and locally for adoptees and the ivf-made.

>>> summary >>>
Keith first put words to adoptees' feelings,
adoptees have no real kith and kin,
opening words of 1976 lecture in Canada

"Adoption is finding parents for children: but it is also strangers becoming intimate insiders, it is a loss of kith and kin, it is a re-arrangement of persons, it is children living with secrets, secrets about themselves that they cannot unravel, that is the right to know who they are"

was the opening of Keith's The Right To Know Who You Are lecture to introduce the idea of open birth records, to feature the details of adoptees' roots on their birth certificates and recently Keith summed up the staus quo

"Adoption (and donor conception) loss is the only trauma where the victim is expected by the whole of society to be grateful"...."donor conception is making the same mistakes that adoption used to" - and so the ivf-made community say "early telling and identity release are not enough"

V/ A STATISTICIAN
nearly all estrangements bridged, link
>>> summary >>>
96% of birthmothers want a reunion,
last sentence before the booklist at the end
http://www.ansrs.com/statistics.htm

Vl/ REUNIONS
clapped on women's television,
but searching can be about being a detective
http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/default.htm

ADOPTEES' REAL FAMILIES there's alot of denigrating around but you might meet adoptees' real families one day and will have to give an account of yourselves. Blood is thicker than water, the apple never falls far from the tree, a chip of the old block are popular sayings that point up family pride; the children fit in, but in the lives of adoptees (and the ivf-made) these sayings are absent and so we live like a lime in a bowl of oranges.

TRANSFORMED ADULT ADOPTEES NEED 1-2-1 COUNSELLING adoptees can get pretty miserable, needing 1-2-1 counselling http://www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk/ but elocution lessons or college would do, which is 3/4 years' worth, not an entire childhood, 0-18 years' worth.

Adoptees (and the ivf-made) both like to go information-gathering - it's because they need to piece together an understanding of their roots, and get medical records, something those with intact family trees take for granted.

ADOPTEES' SITES ARE TESTIMONY AGAINST ENTHUSING
we are proof that adoption is no good - it's unlikely your adopted adult ex-child will have vocubulary to say what's wrong

THERE ARE REGULARLY ONLY A TINY
NUMBER OF INTER-COUNTRY ADOPTIONS
the transformation concept applied to overseas children does not take into account how many millions are left behind year in year out. http://poundpuplegacy.org/country_information See the UNICEF link in red below for info on humanitarian crises...:) a chance to help children everywhere :)

it would be nice if gays extended the equal rights
notion to adoptees and let us have what you do
support Adoptee Rights

************************************************
******ADOPTEES TALKING, MANY LINKS******
TONS OF ADOPTEES/GROUPS, INCLUDING
BLACKS & TRANS-RACIALS

interspersed with pictures,
please keep scrolling down the left
http://bastardette.blogspot.com/

How trans-racial adoptees feel,
on-line messages in bottles
http ://www.transracialabductees.org/resource/reviews.h tml
More here, all saying no
http://www.karensadoptionlinks.com/adoptee.html
scroll down the right hand side for more adoptees' noes
http://ethnicallyincorrect.wo rdpress.com/2011/05/03/decolonizing-transracial-adoption-by-john-raible/
FROM ADOPTIONLAND,
INTERNATIONAL CRITIQUES
please click just below
and scroll down on the left
http://poundpuplegacy.org

but if you still think adoption is a good thing after hearing from us, give your child away - only kidding, sort of, but we are pretty tired of the legal fiction that is our birth certificate

:) a chance to help children everywhere, donate :)
http://www.unicef.org

PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS TOO
America's Adoption Indu$try
http://all-about-orphans.blogspot.com
fertility expert$ don't tell, 26 ivf-mades left ill, and counting....
http://beware-of-the-fertility-industry.blogspot.com
Ill? fertility cure for free here, science-led
http://fertility-cure-for-free.blogspot.com
sperm donation, talking gametes, the ivf-made speak out
http://needing-fathers.blogspot.com
egg donation, more from the fertility industry
http://needing-mothers.blogspot.com

ADOPTION IS A COMPLEX AND SENSITIVE ISSUE